12 Signs You’re Actually a Cat

We all know the classics signs of a cat-lady but what about the signs of an actual cat? If you’ve been typing “affinity for tuna” and “walking on all fours” into WebMD with no clear diagnosis for your roommate’s recent condition, don’t fret. Check out these 12 signs you might actually be a cat:

1.Sleep is the end all be all: There’s a reason they call it cat-napping. For a long time, dogs have been trying to steal the title of sleepiest pets but you know the real truth. It doesn’t matter the time of day or how long your honey-do list is, kitty needs its sleep.

The world is so much less annoying in my dreams

2. Loud noises or scary quiet noises or any noise you did not approve are not ok: Have you ever heard your ceiling creak and been sent on an hour long nightmare about the bear-sized mutant rat that is about to bust out of the walls and eat you alive?

Was that thunder? A ghost? A murderer? The ghost of a murderer?

3. You literally could give zero s****: This is a common thread among most humans, but you cat-like humans are especially adept at not caring. You’ve mastered the art of pursing your lips in a concerned fashion while your best friend yaps about her break up, consuming the much needed oxygen around you.

Allow me to play this piano with the same amount of enthusiasm I gave that conversation.

4. You live by the motto “When in doubt, peace out”: You can tell things are about to get heated and you just aren’t up for this today. Emotional conflict? How about a no.

Just throw ’em a little side eye and retreat

6. You’ve been known to turn at any moment: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde have nothing on your mood swings. You’re on top of the world until McDonalds forgets to put the sausage on your Mcmuffin and awakens the demon inside. Watch out world.

Come at me, I dare you

7. When you said no surprise parties, you meant it: If you could set an iCloud reminder for every time someone is about to enter a room, you might–but then again, it really freaks you out when that little alarm goes off.

There are not enough Cheerios in the world to prepare my blood pressure for that

8. You invented the idea of personal space: You have zero interest in smelling the garlic hummus your boss had for lunch and you have no problem letter her know–like seriously, back it up girl I can hear you just fine from across the room.

No. No. I do not need a hug

9. Until of course you are in the mood to snuggle: You actually put cuddling in the special skills section of your resume. Big spoon, little spoon, half-spoon, star-gazer: you can adapt to any and all roles

Just five more minutes

10. You are extremely picky: Your friends conveniently forget to call you when they’re trying a new restaurant but you’re not sure why. I mean you’re adventurous…You were a vegetarian for a week. Well, except for the chicken nuggets but how were you supposed to know what was beneath that crunchy exterior?

What is that object and why is on my plate

 

11. You love the gym: gym: |jim| noun. 1. That place you pay $60/mo. to sweat out your hangovers in the sauna and meet attractive people. 

I’m supposed to do what with my legs?

12. Did I mention sleep?

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